Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
