I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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