i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
