ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We need a shit load of segways right now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize