I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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