he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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