I just threw up on my dentist
the condom got lost in my hair
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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