I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
