Kareoke will never be a sober sport
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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