sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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