I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
