Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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