For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
