went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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