VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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