I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
