I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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