i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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