I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
