I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
