so that wasnt chicken after all
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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