I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
