U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
