I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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