I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
