apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
