your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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