I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
