Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
