No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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