Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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