I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
