what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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