last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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