I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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