So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
