I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
