I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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