Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
