Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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