About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
