God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
