the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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