I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
