wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
