Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize