So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
