It's Friday. Sex?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
