OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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