We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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