So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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