where does the pee come out of this thing
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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