I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
