dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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