I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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