i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
