Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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