Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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