is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
