All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize