i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
