Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize