i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
