Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
