Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
