at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
