Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
