our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
