Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
