Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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