I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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