3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
