I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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